I’ve been working on a pitch for a new crime drama series. Set on the mean streets of South Cambridgeshire it will be more CSI than Midsomer Murders – but grittier than either and with a cast who look like human beings (and less like air-brushed models). I thought I’d share the opening scene of the pilot with you.
Exterior: Night: Heavy Rain: An alley behind Budgens. Camera pans from a SOCO leaning over a body sprawled on the ground, passes small plastic numbers placed next to a lettuce leaf, a small rasher of bacon, a slice of turkey and a couple of slices of bread (one of which appears to be blood stained). Camera, pans up to see Detective arrive in classic 1982 Nissan Cherry. Detective climbs out of car, pausing only to poke a liquorice tube into a sherbet fountain and lick at its tangy goodness. He walks over to the SOCO.
Detective: So, what’s happened?
SOCO: White male, mid 30s. Blunt force trauma to the back of the head. Dead less than 2 hours I reckon.
Detective: Any sign of the murder weapon?
SOCO: All around you, gov. Seems he was struck from behind with a sandwich – he never stood a chance.
Detective: A sandwich?! How is that even possible?
SOCO: It was a club sandwich. Looks like a premeditated attack.
Fade to black.
It’s got ITV prime time drama written all over it.