I am a member of Lovefilm.com – which is now a tributary of Amazon – and they send me movies or TV shows on shiny silvery disks through the miracle of the Royal Mail in return for a modest monthly stipend. These are not sent at random, they pressure me into pre-selecting entertainments (post-selection would be more effective, but requires some major breakthroughs in temporal mechanics) which I think I might enjoy. They suggest I maintain a list of twenty such, but I struggle to maintain a total much above ten – which results in further bullying, but in this instance I hold firm (I learnt my lesson with Firefox).
Last night my chosen entertainment was an animated movie, rated PG (though, rashly I did not check with my parents before viewing). This provided a list of all the risks to which I was subjecting myself prior to the film starting – I recall peril, intense action and, most worryingly for one of my delicate sensibilities, one use of mild language. My mind was a-whirl, what could mild language be? Would I cope or be forced to flee the lounge in shock?
The flick, “How to Train Your Dragon,” really was extremely good and I fear my involvement with the plot and characters may have distracted me (Barry Norman continues to have nothing to fear from the direction of Fish Towers) – as a result, I failed to spot the incident of mild language. Did someone say bother? Sod it? (Well, it was enough to get the Clangers into trouble – and their voices were played by a swanee whistle) Or my personal favourite, Fiddlesticks?
Has anyone else seen this film and managed to spot the imprecation? Or do I need to watch it again to decide where I should have been offended? It looks like my career as the new Mary Whitehouse is going to have to wait…
In vaguely related news, few can now remember Gordon Bennett, but his name is still often invoked in extremis. I feel a new name is needed for the 21st century which will be more relevant to today’s youth – and after a little brainstorming with my masseur, whilst he indulged his taste for mild torture upon my resisting body, the name of the former baby Spice, Emma Bunton, was identified as being a rather attractive option. Unless, of course, you can do better…?