It was bound to happen

I sighted the inevitable as I was cycling home from viewing plasticine pirates having an adventure with equally plasticine scientists (or misfits, if you are from North America where science is unacceptable to a significant portion of the population who seem to feel the neolithic was a step too far).  The film is a hoot – and do stick around for the credits which are as crammed with gags as the movie itself.

I saw one of the bounders (and I’m not talking pirates here) as I cycled past the railway station, twixt the busway, the Cambridge University Press and a number of near complete new blocks of flats.  There was little sign of nourishment for one of its kind in the area, so I assume that gangs of the little rotters attack green bins to service their habits (I fear we may have made things too easy for them, gathering together all those vegetable peelings and grass clippings in one place).

Yes, many years after foxes invaded our towns and cities I have now seen evidence for the urban rabbit.  It would seem that nowhere is now safe for the post-gloaming cyclist – one of these long-eared hooligans may try and hurl itself under your wheels anywhere: town or country.  I’m not worried about the bunnies, but I fear impact could cause the bicycle equivalent of a derailment with contusive consequences for yours truly.

Given the lapine plague the mild winter has unleashed, I strongly advise readers to eschew green clothing after dark.  I also worry that whole swathes of the country are being undermined by their tunnelling: the railway line south of Cambridge is looking decidedly iffy already.  So,  I have decided it is time that we fight back and retake our towns and countryside from the furry menace.  I am reclassifying the rabbit as a vegetable (they are, after all, made of vegetables in a very real sense) and will start eating them as soon as the shops reopen.  Can I urge my readers to do the same?  They are after all free range and seem “sustainable” – indeed, more than sustainable given how famously swiftly they reproduce.  In these days of rising food prices, the rabbit’s time has come – and if we start running short on coneys, might I suggest turning to the almost-as-plentiful wood pigeon?

Feel free to continue the lunacy...

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