The title of an album of short but quirky ditties by They Might Be Giants, ownership of which scored me a point on the Geek Test way back in the 1990s (not that I was short of points, of which more, perhaps, in another post).

However, the title actually refers to the fact that the weather is now officially wet (well, providing you are willing to accept me as an official source – and why wouldn’t you?).  As but one example, I spent a chunk of yesterday evening sitting in a pew next to a man with a cuddly ark: though I’m not sure what help a cuddly ark would be in the face of a biblical deluge.  As it turns out, the chap was planning to use the ark as a mike stand (though ultimately didn’t need it as he managed to source a more traditional mike stand) to record the Bridge Quartet performing Greig’s String Quartet (well worth recording) which goes to show that some folk can see a much wider range of possibilities in an object than can I: cuddly ark as mike stand – there’s some Olympic standard juxtaposition!

My key evidence for this current thesis is that Sawston is now cut-off from Stapleford (the next village) to pedestrians unless they own wellies (or fancy wading without).  This is only the second time in the 5+ years I have lived here that the River Granta has burst its banks and flooded the sole pedestrian and cycle route which links the two villages.  On the previous occasion, the flooding was caused by a sudden thaw which led to a large volume of snow melt from the Alpine scenery for which Cambridgeshire is so justly famed.  This time the flooding is only 6-8 inches deep and is entirely rain based – but it was still enough to drench my feet as I tried to cycle into Cambridge yesterday.  I lack Paul Newman’s facility on a bicycle (well, I assume it was him as Butch Cassidy on the velocipede, rather than a stuntman) and the flooding was too extensive for me to keep my feet clear of the water (also, I hadn’t realised quite how deep it was).  On subsequent trips I braved the main road – more traffic, but drier feet!

I would suggest that it has been lovely weather for ducks – and, indeed, I’ve seen them swimming merrily in the fields all around Great Kneighton  – however, I see the RSPB is saying the weather has been bad news for our feathered friends with many eggs being washed away.

For those who have the misfortune not to live in the modern day Eden that is South Cambs, Great Kneighton is the name to be given to the wasteland that has been created between Trumpington and Addenbrooke’s once it is covered in houses or, perhaps more wisely given the depth of water now covering most of it, house boats (though the website does not mention this more sensible option – or the ready availability of water to the future residents).  One of the wetter parts of the site has been planted with a multitude of green plastic tubes which I assume contain the potential for future trees, though if so, I hope they are mangroves or some other swamp loving species or I fear the worst for the future of Great Kneighton forest.

The poor weather has also been bad news for the asparagus crop – though perhaps good news for those who have to spend any time in close proximity to the author.  Each year I seem to find that asparagus has a more serious (and rapid) effect on me, a few sticks is now enough for me to start sweating the rather strange aroma that I had previously only linked to micturition.

The final plank of my argument is that my ears have started producing abnormally large quantities of wax.  This is a problem that used to occur when I swam regularly – a habit I may be compelled to restart if the weather continues in its current mode!  I am now wondering if rather than a source of irritation, this is perhaps an evolutionary adaptation to keep my head water tight?

Still, here at GofaDM we are working hard to look on the sunny side and thinking of the boost to the UK’s waterproof and watercress industries!

Feel free to continue the lunacy...

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