Not a low-budget, austerity-friendly sequel to David Attenborough’s series of 1993 set in the tropical paradise of Antarctica (or so it now seems), but day-to-day existence in South Cambs in Spring 2013. It has now been many weeks since the temperature outside has reached the one inside my fridge – and that’s even before you account for the 30mph of wind chill. I would turn off the fridge as an economy measure and keep my perishable food outside, but fear they would become too cold for reliable preservation – my snowdrops seem to have been freeze-dried.
Given the very limited breaks in the cloud cover, I think I’d also have more chance of obtaining a tan inside my fridge – though I would have to leave the door ajar or the light would go off (or would it?).
Today, the Met Office suggested the ambient temperature in Sawston would finally beat my fridge, but sadly their optimism was misplaced. They are now promising the same for tomorrow, but my faith has been shaken (not stirred). Of course to those in the know, we are in an Ice Age and have been for many thousands of years, so perhaps we shouldn’t be too surprised by the low temperatures.
Rather than just moaning about this state of affairs, I have tried to take matters into my own hands, using psychology as my guide. Last week, I bought a jumper – so I now own two! – but to no avail, the big chill continued unabated. So, today I have been forced to take more serious action and have bought a very warm jacket. To make this coat, a flock load of geese will be going cold this Spring – but, frankly, it was them or me. I should now be invulnerable to temperatures which would make a copper-alloy simian wince (or worse). Under the protection of my new coat, I should be able to venture outside virtually naked from the waist up (calm down ladies and/or gents, I will probably retain some upper body covering for the sake of propriety, if nothing else) though may struggle to manoeuver through narrow doorways. Still, this will be a small price to pay for the heat wave which is about to commence.
No need to thank me – it’s all part of the service for the GOfaDM readership.