Our current, soi disant, civilisation has had a good run but I feel it is now coming to its inevitable end. “Where’s your evidence?”, I hear you ask – well, let me explain.
I have railed against the rise of the superfood before in these pages (so many pages), all of which just seem to be food which is entirely lacking in superpowers (not so much as packed in lycra). Indeed, these foods are almost entirely vegetative in nature, and neither Marvel nor DC has yet (to my admittedly incomplete knowledge) created a vegetable superhero (or villain). No, they generally seem to be a foodstuff which some sort of study (presumably sponsored by the growers or sellers of said foodstuff) has suggested might be slightly better for you than a diet of neat lard.
I also object to the infantilisation of vegetables – I could just about cope with baby corn, but now rare is the vegetable that is not offered in “baby” form. I’m pretty sure that the baby form of most vegetables is the seed (or perhaps the cutting?) – but oddly, this is almost the only form of food not described as baby. Baby pumpkins as an alternative to pumpkin seeds, anyone? What they usually seem to mean is small and, in the case of leaves, young. On which basis, bonsai will presumably be re-named baby trees. I suppose in the case of garlic or the potato (for example), I could make an argument that we do eat the babies – but again, these have entirely escaped this appellation (perhaps because it makes their consumption seem rather sinister – though it does make being (mostly) vegetarian seem a lot more transgressive).
These two strands reached a head yestere’en when I encountered a packet of baby kale. Not kale for babies you understand, but small, young leaves of kale clearly marked as being a superfood. Our civilisation has clearly now jumped the shark and it would be kindest to end it now (rather than let it continue to suffer).