I am finally ready (more-or-less) for the forthcoming Winterval, with the last of the parcels wrapped. I do, to an extent (basically the extent that requires little or no exertion on my part), attempt to avoid the more obvious stereotypes of the modern man – but I find I am very poor at wrapping. This is particularly distressing given the hours I devoted to squares of coloured paper and the instructions of Roger Harbin as a child. Sadly, despite my knowledge of the mountain, valley and squash folds I seem unable to apply my origami skills to the wrapping of even the most cuboid of presents (and I do focus on cuboid gifts – if any reader wants a ball, then they would be advised to seek elsewhere for satisfaction). Either wrapping paper is too thick and/or stiff (oh, er, missus) or it is the attempt to encase another object which throws me – or that is my theory.
Last Christmas, no-one gave me their heart (OK, they may have done and I failed to notice) but I did buy a roll of rather stylish, mostly silver wrapping paper. Worried that this would be insufficient I acquired another roll: just-in-case. The original roll was more than adequate to Christmas 2013 and has now also dealt with Christmas 2014 and shows promising signs of also covering next year’s seasonal wrapping needs. I have no idea how many metres of wrapping paper I acquired on this roll, but I begin to suspect it may have been sufficient to wrap a small moon (or large space station – which would certainly help keep X-wing fighters out of the vents). Having discovered another two rolls of seasonal paper in storage (marked “Bedding”) last week, I think I may have enough wrapping paper to see me out. I think I now have a new ambition, to live long enough to run out of wrapping paper!
In other Kwanzaa-related news, I have now watched the Muppet Christmas Carol, been to a very fine carol concert – at which I even had a chance to sing, though sadly no Adeste Fideles this year – and watched a BBC4 documentary on winter art. So, this is about as festive as I am going to be – if you like, you can imagine me jingling something (I’m not, but feel free to imagine it). As I have visitors coming for the New Year, I might even put up some decorations – I’m virtually Santa! If you have not yet exhausted your imagination, you might like to think about three hydroxyl groups and a mirror. OK, as it’s Christmas I’ll help you out : HO-HO-HO- (but don’t expect this sort of spoon-feeding at other times of year).