Trend Setter

Not, I was slightly disappointed to learn, a particularly stylish breed of gun dog.  Instead, this will be an attempt to prove that where I lead, others follow.  I shall have resort to only two examples, but I think you will agree that these generalise very nicely.

Today, in the UK at least, is National Poetry Day.  By contrast, it would seem that the novella rates an entire month (which, in case you missed it, was back in June) and continuing the apparent trend one must assume that the novel requires an entire year, if it is to be given justice.  I am, of course, well ahead of the game here and have been obsessed by the poem for some weeks now.  As a sign of what a kind and generous author I am, I have decided to spare you any of my own attempts at poesy (not an offer you’ll find in many other places).  Still, I felt I should mark the day in some form and so once again braved the tumbleweed which blows through the poetry section of the Southampton Central Library.  Thus it was that I came to bring Rain home with me (and without any recourse to dance).  Some may think we have had more than enough rain already this week, but my Rain is a collection of poems by Don Patterson.  I’d seen a copy of his poem Motive in a tweet earlier in the day and was inspired to give his wider oeuvre a go: a decision cemented by the dedication to Michael Donaghy which opens the collection.  Later this evening, I will return to the same library where Luke Wright and others (including one Open Mike, who I trust will not be over-sharing) will be performing poetry to mark this ‘special’ day.

This week also brought to England (the other home nations have been doing this for some time) a legal requirement to charge at least 5p for the plastic carrier bags provided by larger shops.  When I was but a callow youth, supermarkets charged for bags and so I always carried my own to help eek-out my meagre student grant (a grant which would seem a princely gift to today’s students).  This habit has stayed with me ever since and I have been widely mocked for it over the years.  Who’s laughing now, eh?  My thrift – or environmental conscience (if I’m trying to cast matters in a more flattering light) – is finally vindicated.  The bag-of-bags which has cluttered my gaffs over the years is finally going to pay its way.

As a consequence of this new charge, sales assistants have clearly been trained to ask, in advance, if customers would like a bag.  Earlier this afternoon, I bought a mini-tube of toothpaste to use when flying (I do like to travel light).   Sadly, those I had acquired for free from my days of occasional business-class intercontinental travel have all run out.  Arriving at the till, I was offered a carrier bag for my wares (or ware).  When I produced my item, the female assistant remarked that she was expecting something larger.  Quick as a flash (or at least after only a brief lacuna) I retorted that this was a phrase I had heard too many times before.  Cue hilarity!  OK, that might be a slight over-statement but she did giggle her way through the remainder of the transaction.

I will admit that there remains a little way to go before my section of the Oxford Dictionary of Humorous Quotations consumes as many column inches as that devoted to Oscar Wilde – but I think we can all agree that in (at least) two areas over the course of a single week (and it’s still only Wednesday) I am very much the man to follow when it comes to lifestyle.  [In the meantime, I shall be working on some quips about the skeletal structure of the upper arm as my entrée to the Oxford Dictionary of Humerus Quotations].

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