Vmail

Of the species is deadlier etc?  No?  Oh well, back to the original plan…

I may have hinted that the weather over the last few months has been a immodestly moist and bracingly breezy.  I shall now go even deeper into the territory of the Daily Heil and form a tenuous link to the frequency of refuse collection.  Fear not, I shall continue to avoid blaming foreigners and or the young for everything at variance with my increasingly narrow world-view and shall make no claims as to which objects or concepts might cause or cure cancer.

As a result of recent climatic conditions, in front of the bike store where my modest selection of velocipedes shelter from the elements (spoiler: the store provides little protection from gaseous molecular nitrogen or oxygen) there is a definite strand-line.  At present, this pseudo-beach is mostly covered by drift wood – I have yet to spot a mermaid’s purse or beached jellyfish, but I’m not much more than a mile from the sea so it’s probably only a matter of time before one finds its way here.

For reasons best known to itself, the city council has not collected our glass recycling for a good six weeks now.  If they leave it much longer (given the bottle-rich time of year), I should have enough raw material to establish my own glass recycling business!  As a result of the build-up, I have been sorely tempted to put one of the many uncollected bottles to use.  My plan is to place a written message within the bottle and leave it, under cover of darkness, on the nearby strand-line for some child or gullible adult to discover.  I think I shall distress the message using some cold tea to give the feeling of antiquity and will write in a foreign language and include a cry for help – but beyond this basic conceit I’m struggling for killer content.  Any ideas will be gratefully received and may appear as a story in The Echo is weeks to come (if my plan is a success).

Oh, the title?  Well, it struck me that a message-in-a-bottle could be considered vitreous mail.