This is the first (and probably last) in a new series of posts, which will occur after our author receives an unexpected compliment (please note, the word “unexpected” is entirely redundant in this sentence).
I don’t think I suffer from body dysmorphia to any serious extent. My hair is a constant disappointment to me, largely down to its uncooperative nature and the fact that my crown is on somebody else’s head. I’ve always felt my eyes let the side down as well: as I’ve often remarked over the years, if I’d had brown eyes I’d be ruling the world by now. Without doubt, I could usefully be shorter given the rather compact design of much of the modern world, but for now I just have to fold myself up using some form of human origami. However, on the whole I take my body as a given and work round its various foibles and features. I’ve never really been tempted to have it altered surgically or to put a huge amount of effort into it, beyond basic maintenance and the continuing desire to make it do improbable or entertaining things.
The continuing issues with my right foot meant that yesterday I went to see a physio for both a second opinion and some ideas for a recovery strategy. Pleasingly, my diagnosis was correct, I do have peroneal tendonitis (oddly, nothing to do with Evita). The physio restored an amazing range of movement to my right foot and has given me a whole set of exercises to perform to slowly restore its normal function. Most of these will look very odd to carry out in public, but luckily I have outlived most of my shame, so when I’m away on business later this week I shall be performing them in airports, hotels and wherever else I find myself. Whilst this was all very positive, the pain is yet to subside to any great degree – but I have high hopes!
However, the most important occurrence during my session was the discovery that I have “perfect feet” (and that’s a direct quote). I’ve never really paid them much attention myself: well, they’re so far away from the seat of my consciousness. But, armed with a professional opinion, I have studied them anew and have to admit that they are rather fine. It may be time for a new (pay-per-view) vlog starring my pedal extremities. I am now sitting back and waiting for the offers of lucrative foot modelling contracts to roll in!