A very warm welcome to customers joining at Bad, our next station stop will be…

Those of you who know roughly how my mind works – well, I say mind and (for that matter) works, but we both know those two words are operating well outside their respective comfort zones – will realise that this post will be about verse.  Oh yes, he’s brazenly attempted to gussy-up the hackneyed old “going from bad to verse” pun in the hope of creating some barely viable click-bait.  Then again, if you’re reading this, it may have actually worked.  Go me!

The regular reader will be aware of the start of my unfortunate poetry habit and I regret to inform you that matters have not improved.  I currently seem to be consuming collections of poetry at the rate of one per day.  This may not be entirely healthy and is starting to impact other areas of my life.  It has been good news of J Sainsbury’s plc as their store is more convenient for Octopus Books, where I can go for a new fix of any poesy unavailable from the library, than is Waitrose.  In consequence, they have increased their share of my weekly grocery budget – though oddly, this seems to have coincided with a fall in their share price (should they be paying me to take my custom elsewhere?).

At one point, my need for poetry led to me reading Thom Gunn in the checkout queue.  Not entirely wise as supermarket staff are not trained to understand why tears may be streaking a customer’s cheeks after only a fairly minor delay in the process of paying for his goods.  I have now reverted to stewing in my own thoughts as a more socially acceptable form of waiting.

I don’t claim to understand every line, or even every poem: but enough makes it through my semantic barriers that I can recognise some very compelling writing.  Reading some poetry can almost feel intrusive, almost like reading someone else’s diary (and I don’t just mean a list of appointments), so personal does some of it seem.  There are also some lovely turns of phrase available, one of my favourites is “her petal-bright coat” (by Mark Doty): not sure why, it just feels so good in the mouth.  Actually, along with Thom Gunn, Mr Doty is one of my favourite discoveries – he seems to share a little of my style, with his poems full of the sort of asides that litter GofaDM like spots of used chewing gum.  I’m also rather the fan of Michael Donaghy and Philip Gross – but my range is still expanding.

In an attempt to control the poetry, and very much using the same pest-management strategy that proved so successful for the old woman, I am now attempting to ‘swallow’ some short stories.  I presume I will then have to switch to novellas, followed by novels in an escalating chain of reading that will no doubt result in my eventual demise after trying to tackle the literary equivalent of a horse.  Following a sudden memory restoration, I decided to start this counterattack with some work by Jorge Luis Borges (who I’ve been meaning to tackle for some time).  His works proved tricky to find in the library, being filled under neither L nor B.  Reference to the catalogue revealed they did exist, but were held in the Central Library Stacks.

[Cue spooky music: I’m thinking thunderstorm, heavy rain and some solid work on the organ by someone with a pale complexion, dark clothing and maniacal laugh.]

The library staff were a little reluctant to visit the stacks which lie in the crypt (OK, the basement) beneath the library.  There is some thought that they are haunted after the civic centre (including the library) was bombed by the Luftwaffe during the last unpleasantness and a number of children lost their lives sheltering in what is now the stacks.  There has, indeed, been a strange miasma rising up from the lower floor of the library, but I think this has more to do with recent flooding than an imminent assault by the undead.  Still, they did brave the trip and its potential for spectral complications, returning unharmed from Hades antechamber bearing a copy of Labyrinths for my future enjoyment.

This future enjoyment will be somewhat magnified as my reading glasses have arrived – so if you have any small print which needs reading, I’m your man!  The additional clarity (at close range) is taking a little getting used to – everything seems to be shouting at me – but I’m rather enjoying the blurring effect on my distance vision.  It does give everything the feel of those close-up shots of the female lead in a forties movie – as though through muslin or a thin film of vaseline – which lends an aura of romance to even the most mundane of vistas.

The downside of the reading glasses is the ever-present reminder of the temporal transience of existence (and, in particular, mine).  Here, poetry can be a comfort (so I shall probably stick with it, albeit aiming for a lower dosage): in the words of the aforementioned Mark Doty, “that flower wouldn’t blaze if time didn’t burn”.

Deserts of vast eternity

Well, any old fool can refer to time’s wingèd chariot: it takes a modicum of effort to find another line from To His Coy Mistress referring to the transitory nature of our existence upon this plane (cabin crew doors to manual).  Yesterday, I am sad to report, did provide a distressing reminder that I should get on with the tearing of my pleasures with rough strife.  In passing, I should note that even before my current poetry jag, I was a major fan of Andrew Marvell – which I blame on an episode of In Our Time I listened to on the bus back from Christchurch to my clifftop lodgings in Sumner many years ago.  He has, however, set almost impossibly high standards for any modern day chap looking to swive with a reluctant lass.

For me, this post is already worthwhile as it brought to mind, and provided an excuse to use, the word ‘swive’.  This has made me very happy!  Wordpress – I’m afraid – does not approve, it is almost as though very few of its users were acquiring their vocabulary in the 17th century (more fool them!).

Yesterday evening, I set out on my twin-wheeled steed to enjoy some young people making music.  For the first time in several months, I was forced to use lights on the outward leg of this journey.  Truly, winter is almost upon us and the year is winding down to its inevitable conclusion before 2016 is ushered in, mewling and puking (but that’s what you get for over-indulging on New Year’s Eve).  For me, 2016 brings an anniversary which many think significant but I view merely as unwelcome and dreadfully premature.

However, greater trauma had come in the afternoon when I had my biennial eye test.  This confirmed what I had long suspected: my eyes are becoming much less accommodating, as they look toward their eternal reward, and so I will need to use reading glasses in future.  The galloping presbyopia has not been helped by one of my eyes (it knows which one) switching from mild myopia to mild hyperopia over the last two years: very much heading in the wrong direction.  Until recently the balance of power between myopia and presbyopia had left me with near perfect vision for reading, but now presbyopia has decisively gained the upper hand.

I have ordered some reading glasses – and so small print and mathematical texts should once again by legible without resort to the magnifying glass – but I feel I have passed an age-related rubicon.  Surely, it can only be a matter of time before I am stabbed to death in the Senate.  On the plus side, my eyes are otherwise in excellent health and I have (for now) avoided the horror of bi- or varifocals (but I can already feel their clammy breath against the back of my neck).

In a vain (in at least two senses of the word) attempt to stave off the ravages of time, in the morning I had acquired some fresh moisturiser.  This example of its species promises to be anti-ageing (much like myself,  when applied to me) – though seems to be the usual, greasy gunk rather than offering any obvious source of rejuvenation or advanced temporal engineering.  Nevertheless, it promises that within four weeks I will have visibly younger skin – though it doesn’t commit either to how much younger or how visible this transformation may be.  Hopefully, it will be enough to compensate for the more accurate view of my skin that possession of reading glasses will provide: otherwise, vampire-like, I shall have to banish reflective surfaces from my life before they arrive.